Frank conversation with my cells ( and you know who you are )
There are just too many memories to detail, but I know you remember them, every one, because you were there. We were a solid team but most importantly we were together, unified. I have never understood why but seems that in our late 20’s you decided to go in another direction. You made things difficult for me, put me through pain and worry. When I first became aware of that, I was angry with you and, well, against you. I wanted you to go away, never see you again. That seemed to work and you appeared to be working in with me again, we were again a solid unified front, navigating love, marriage, babies, work, loss, heartache, joy~ you know, everything together again. I know it wasn’t perfect, I still worried you may go back to your old ways, waiting for the other shoe to drop, but after so many years of you being your trusted old self I could rely on you, I relaxed, and convinced that once again you were my friend.
I am not certain when it began to change or why, but you began to drift away and you deserted the friend zone once again. Although you have caused me a lot of trouble and pain, this time I am not ready to give up on you. You know the phrase Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer..that is what I decided to do. I am ready to do whatever it takes to work this out. Although you have taken away so many of my friends, leaving their families in pain and grief, I am not going to give up, I will do what ever I can to win you back once again, to be my ally, my friend. I will change my diet for you, take supplements and injections, spend time each day dedicated to just you, travel to Germany to work on our relationship and what ever it takes to win back that friendship that made us better together. Everything we have worked for and dreamed about has happened, our family is better than we could have imagined. We put so much time and love into staying home and spending time with our girls and they have grown into lovely vital human beings.
I am not ready to leave them, so I am asking you, begging you, to stay with me, work with me, go back to our life together. I can help you, I will do everything possible as there is still so much work to be accomplished, and so much life to be lived. We can reap all of the rewards from the effort and time we have invested, to enable us to now appreciate our husband, our children, and hopefully their children. I will do whatever I can to make you my friend once again, just please do not make me choose because I do not want to leave with you. I want to stay.